Floating

Disoriented. falling between cracks. Staring out the window. Hidden emotions. Confused. Not alone.

Feelings I can’t explain. Chest tightening. Gripping my lungs, exposing an atmosphere that is transparent.

Lost in the rain. Sunny clouds mixed with translucent rays.

Milky eyes, mudded from an ocean of tears that I deemed aren’t allowed to fall. Why not?

I am not lifeless but why do I feel checked out? Done for. Lost in an abyss.  Cold and stiff.

Mourning a past life. Why am I filled with so much emotions? Emotions I cannot explain.

Ruminating on my cognitive processes or is it an impairment?

Trying to manifest and illustrate a luxuriously comfortable life. Only to linger in a space I cannot identify.

Face hot to the touch. Clinging to a freer higher self, that I have yet to meet.

Or have I and I am just not granting myself grace?

Fairytales. False. Embodying a singular experience.

Am I feeling past lives? What is the motive behind my internal compass?

Gaslighting myself to say the trauma from this life isn’t that much to cause such a distraught being.

Unattended to and left to my own devices. Abandoned. Detached. Isolated.

Breathing feels trivial as my subconscious handles that for me. Surface levels.

Leaving Earth. The strong desires to not live this life.

Why is my mind always on go? I am tired. Searching my whole life on how to wash away this pain.

How do I heal from something I don’t even know the true nature of the matter?

Alleviate. Mend. Rebuild. Unlearn to relearn. Soothe. Rejuvenate. Rehabilitate.

Medicate to reanimate. Set me free from the bars I seemed to cage myself in with no insight or recognition on the how to.

Screams for help. Only to sound muffled.

Seeking what feels to be experimental. Feels like I am competing in a Trifecta with many blows that feels like head on collisions.

Molding myself with clay, only to run barren.

Loosing myself to try and gain myself. Where do I begin to rewire my body and internal cells?

Again….. this journey seems to never end.