Depression

It is probably the most hidden illness out here. Most of us who are depressed try to deny it.

I tend to deny it and pretend I am not depressed. Why? Well, because I am still functioning. I am not stuck under my sheets in my bed or hiding in my house with the curtains and blinds closed chillin in the shadows of my own misery.

I still get up and take my dogs out. I eat something for lunch and dinner (because not many people eat breakfast). I still complete my school assignments (even if is last minute, but I feel every college student is like at some point in their college career) and I still get my tasks completed at work without anyone having to ask me what’s this status or have you done such and such?

In actuality, in my opinion, this is a prime example of me being a philosophy zombie. What is this, you may ask? A person who just kind of exists without a consciousness. We just kind of pretty much live within the motions of just living. Feeling numb to emotions we think we are feeling. We often try to say I’m not depressed and I’m ok and say to ourselves that I am making it, but really only makes it worse.

Suppressing those emotions only make me swim deeper into an abyss of ignorance to my mental health’s state of being. Once I realize, I’m like oh shit. Everything around me is a mess, but I was just living to get by so I didn’t notice. Relationships on the brink of destruction and realizing even though I have been taking my dogs out, going to work etc.

I was doing the bare minimum.

If any of you have dogs, you know they need more than just being fed and being taken to use the bathroom. They need affection, attention and loads of playtime with their human and other dogs. They want a quick rub here and there (especially when you are deep into working on something).

Eating but not like my normal healthy eating habits like my huge amounts of protein, veggie and fruit intakes. I would end up eating donuts, pizza (a box at a time) and burgers from fast food places. Causing my body to change from this ab booty walking head turner to a pudgy tummy and flat booty (because the gainz would leave my body after not going to the gym for a while). Which in return causes me to loose myself into a deeper depression because I no longer like how I look.

The list goes on and on, but I’m pretty sure you get the picture now on the type of zombie I’m speaking of. I honestly think people who have depression and are trying to deny it, sit here in this category with me. However, once I realize I am depressed and it’s not where I wanna be. the cleansing process begins for me.