Addiction: Letting it GO

How does one beat the impulse of contacting someone you are not supposed to. When I say, not supposed to, I am referring to someone that just ended things with you and borke your heart into a million pieces. You know when your mind fills with so much to say, pretty much the same things you have said before, just in a different way of begging and pleading for them to stay.

Man oh man. It’s hard. They say keep busy but then that moment you are still, shit hits you like bag of bricks to the head. All the emotions you were trying to ignore with activities that you are forcing yourself to do comes to an end and it’s at that moment your head is quiet and peaceful for a quick millisecond. Then BOOM! You’re crying on the floor of your apartment, eyes red and you can barely see because it hurts so bad and you don’t know any other way of releasing the intensity of your heart’s agony.

But contacting them only brings more heartbreak because, you have to face it, they don’t want you anymore and no matter how bad it hurts, you have to let them go. The voice that says, fuck it and you press their texting thread, you have to remember, nothing is going to change and they are happier without you in their life. With that being said, you have to be happy without them.

Easier said than done I know, but it has to be done. The worst part is when you tried to walk away, they slayed your heart with words of forgiveness and let’s try again. So even though you were at your wits end, you dove back into the storm thinking you would see rainbows in the end. Nope, the storm was rough and they jumped shipped, leaving you on a rocky boat alone.

So now, you have to not only get over this person, but learn to be happy without them and stop with the regret of when you should have left, because you didn’t. You stayed. No mistake, just a lesson learned. Less contact, the better and your heart will heal over time. And time is critical. Not a few days, or a few weeks, but a few months of no contact, and sometimes it may take even years or fuck it, stay out of contact with them.

Why would you want someone in your life who hurt you so bad? You don’t and once you realize that and let them go, you’ll be so much happier. At least this is what I tell myself. I am supposed to trust the process, but what is the process I am trusting? I don’t know, I just know, you are not  to contact the person you are still in love with. It seems impossible on most days, but it’s a must.

In order for the heart to stop hurting and for you to be able to smile without fighting back tears of pain, you have to cease all contact. I just hope this storm passes soon because  a heavy heart hurts deep in the chest. It becomes a physical pain after a while and it starts to take notice on your body. And that hunny, is something we can’t have.

Gotta stay looking good. So keep busy but also take time to yourself to feel the hurt and let it go. Maybe a little bit each day, but let it go and I promise, you will see the sunshine again, as I was told, you will see the sunshine, even in the dark.

You have to get through not talking to them. So refrain yourself. It’s like a hit of a drug that gets so high when you see their name pop up on your screen. Get rid of that addiction. It’s killing you. It is hard af now, but in time, you’ll be ok. Like she said, I promise.