Repeat

Before we end, let us try again. Only so you can hurt me and make sure this time, it is a forever life alerting event. Just wait, because before we end, I need to try one last time just to make sure.

CHECK my pulse and make sure my heart is beating and ready. Let us make sure you damage me this one last time. Let me run into your arms one last time and make passionate love with lies mixed between the sheets. Let me learn and love your flaws while you put me down for mine. Let me drive myself crazy by trying to do everything I can to make you happy. Only to learn another is completing those tasks. Tell her you can’t let me go even though your unhappy but we have history. Drag me through an undesirable relationship because you have given up but saying I am not trying enough.

SIMPLY tell me I am pathetic and you are the only one who will ever love me. Break me so I can tumble to the ground with regret and hurt in my eyes only to get back up and chase you. Let me learn what love is not. Allow a bruised woman on your arm so everyone can see the insecurities. Allow me to feel isolated when you are sitting right beside me and unaccompanied in our home late at night. Allow the females to disrespect me and smile with the slyish grin on your face and you see my eyes water and face burn with shame. Allow me to cry at night because of you only to have you wash my face with your kisses in the morning. Allow me to feel what it is like to come to second to your friends that came after me. Grace me with your presence so you can feel me wilt me away. I struggled so hard to love so perfectly and sit you a golden throne. Obsession was not the correct term.

NUMB my feelings. Please play with my emotions and tell me I am not what you want only to keep sending mixed signals. Please my love, I do not understand, so talk in circles until I give up and allow you back in. Press repeat so I can continue to hear sweet nothings and melodies of disrespect that will haunt my dreams. Press my buttons and then steam me clean. Allow my folded parts to lay on your skin. Feeling the warmth as though I am kissing you for the first time again. Make it known you are trying to make sure we don’t end as you secretly push me away with your actions while reeling me in with your words. This never ending game.

Trample my trust but first make sure I trust you. Then go beyond and break that trust. Let me scream and cry while you tell me to shut up. Let me lay there and take your agony deep within. Spit and slap while I lay there motionless and die with every stroke inside. Allow me to feel something I never have before but bring back those childhood memories that I thought I buried away. Use words that were never confirmed as confirmation and allow me to bury my mental inside my subconscious. Let me feel what it feels like to loose trust in sexual relationships. Like a born again virgin afraid of touching. Allow me to frustrate another by stopping too soon because memories are daunting me.

So I am curious, how was it to be loved by me?

Look into my eyes and tell me, was it worth it?

Was it worth watching my heart dissipate?

Was it amusing watching me wither away?

Can you relate as you feel my body disappear into thin air?

A sick place but let me stay here and be your muse as you slowly kill me emotionally that has an effect on my physical being. Damage my well being because this is all I know and I can’t get enough of it. What I claim as love and what you portray seems to be the same thing. I bet you didn’t realize that I would be laying here in a daze looking at you with such admiration in my eyes. Just curious, what did you gain from tormenting me? Because what I gained was a lot of things but none of them was you. So here I am left, with the baggage of pain and a forever changed view on what love is.